glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
