Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
