You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
