He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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