he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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