2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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