i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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