K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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