Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
