Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
