we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
