Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
