No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
