You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
