she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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