Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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