So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
