I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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