My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
