OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
