I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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