All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
