dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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