After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
