Tell her she can't have a vagina
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he just fucked me for my cheese.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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