We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Someone came in the potted fern
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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