How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
