the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
