dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
