The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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