Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
