chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
