You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
