yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
