You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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