It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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