Umm I'm too high to move.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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