ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
