69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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