perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
