Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
