why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
