True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
