Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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