I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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