I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
