please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
