I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
