I got chris browned last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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