I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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