someone get that fucking seahorse.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
