She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
