i already hear my dad disowning me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
