KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
