that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
